One-on-One with Joe Biden

In the first of our four interviews with the Presidential and Vice-Presidential candidates is with Joe Biden. Joe Biden is the senior senator for the state of Delaware, and he is a very passionate and eloquent politician. We sat down with Senator Biden last week at a University of Delaware Mud Hen football game.

REAL NEWS: Why did you accept the vice-presidential nomination from Barack?
JOE BIDEN: Well I wouldn't say that I accepted it. I really got it on a default because Hillary bitched out Barack when he asked her and he wanted someone who looked like Hillary to be his VP. That's when I got call.

RN: Ever since your passionate speech at the Democratic National Convention you have been relatively quiet; why is that?
JB: Well (laughs), I was high when I gave that speech. I'm always high when I give a speech or interview (swallow eight pills). It lets the words flow easier.

RN: Ok...What is your drug of choice?
JB: Cocaine 99% pure.

RN: Well, moving on. What exactly do you do as Senator Obama's running mate?
JB: I go out and try to rally the older voters. So everyday I'll go to either an IHOP or bingo hall or even a nursing home to spread the word.

RN: So in essence you do nothing at all?
JB: Correct, but the food is amazing.

RN: You've been a Delaware Senator for what seems like forever; how do you feel about that?
JB: Like crap. How would you feel being the oldest national politician for Delaware. C'mon be honest with yourself. We have a sang back home: "Delaware: First to ratify the Constitution and last in everything else."

RN: (stare awkwardly) So what are your thoughts on the financial crisis?
JB: I haven't thought on it, but I have thought about it, and I think that the whole system needs to be overhauled. We need to regulate it and solve the problem without out bailing out every Ma and Pop store this side of the Mississippi.

RN: So how do you propose that we fix it?
JB: Ummmmmmmmmmmm, I dk ask my BFF Jill.

RN: Nice commercial plug Senator, and with that I'll transition to your Republican counterpart, Sarah Palin, your thoughts on her?
JB: Well she certainly is nice on the eyes, but then she opens her mouth. Someone should get her a role of toilet paper to clean up the shit coming out of her mouth.

RN: Ha. One last question Mr. Senator; what do you think is the key issue of this campaign?
JB: Well, like Barack Obama said its time for a change.

Next Tuesday we'll have our interview with Republican VP candidate, Sarah Palin.

ANNOUNCEMENT

We are sorry about slowing down story production. We have been working on our big series for the months of September & October: The Candidates one-on-one. we will post our four-part series with each of the presidential candidates. Ten questions, four politicians, one source for it all: Real News.

NFL Week 1 Re-Cap

AFC EAST

Tom Brady upbeat about his injury

It seems that the happiest person about the season-ending knee injury to Tom Brady is Tom Brady.
"It sucks that I can't play the rest of the year," said Brady, "But who was the genius who picked Matt Cassell in their fantasy draft?"
Patriots coach, Bill Belichick was less than thrilled about Brady's comments.
"I hate fantasy football," said Belichick.
Also Matt Cassell seemed optimistic that he wouldn't let the Patriots or Brady's fantasy team down.
"Well I was backing up the best quarterback in the league," said Cassell, "So that makes me the second best quarterback in the league."

AFC NORTH

Bengals change Chad Ocho Cinco's number to 84

The player formerly known as Chad Johnson was thrown for a spin when the Bengals changed his number from 85 to 84. Bengals coach, Marvin Lewis, was very smug during this afternoon's press conference.
"Now not only is Chad Ocho Cinco an idiot he's mathematically challenged as well."
Ocho Cinco plans on protesting the Bengals decision.

POLITICS

BUSINESS



StubHub Reports Record Profits After Democratic National Convention



StubHub auctioned off the most expensive ticket in the company's young history Wednesday night in advance of the Demoractic National Convention.

"One ticket at centerfield sold for $400,543," said StubHub executive, Sam Tickies, "It amazes me that the tickets sold considering that they were free".



POLITICS



Republican Party releases their new slogan



Trying to save face from the "Pregnant daughter of the VP candidate-gate" scandal the Republican Party announced their new slogan for the new Presidential ticket.

"Considering that we have an old, crinkly man in John McCain and a hot VPILF in Sarah Palin, we have decided on a creative name for the ticket," said senior Republican official, Harvey Oilman, "We will call the ticket Crust/Lust '08."