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POLITICS

Bill Clinton proposes alternate to stimulus package

Early today former President Bill Clinton proposed an alternate to Barack Obama's controversial stimulus package.
"America needs help and it needs it now," said Clinton. "I propose that we stimulate the economy by giving it a handjob."
When questioned about his radical proposal Clinton didn't hesitate.
"If there are two things I know they are politics and physical stimulants. And nothing stimulates quicker than a nice handjob."

ENTERTAINMENT

Chris Brown releases statement

Dear Rihanna,

I love you with all my heart baby. All I want to is be with you, with you, with you, with you, with you. Forever ev-ev-everrrrrrrrrr ev-ev-errrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Love, Chris.