Olympic Preview

We at Real News are committed to giving you coverage of the Olympics. So we are going to preview them and you are going to covering them.


ARCHERY
Maybe a couple of Koreans win; I really don't know or care, but hopefully it turns into the movie "Phone Booth" except with arrows and without Colin Farrell.

BADMINTON
Everyone knows that it will be two Chinese guys with one syllable names and a Korean for flavor.

BASEBALL
It will be Cuba or Japan because they actually care.

BASKETBALL
USA all the way, at least that is what Tim Donaghy's bookie says.

BOXING
People will tune in until they realize that Floyd Mayweather isn't fighting.

CYCLING
Last one doping wins.

DIVING
Should be interesting considering that the Chinese government drained the pool.

EQUESTRIAN
People on horses without the betting and without Big Brown.

FENCING
It's a tossup between Jack Sparrow and Vlad the Impaler.

FIELD HOCKEY
A bunch of women playing with short, little sticks: AKA the Pussycat Dolls with the Jonas Brothers.

GYMNASTICS
Come on; China is actually good at this, do you think that the government will let them lose?

RHYTHMIC GYMNASTICS
Will hopefully surpass growing grass in the ratings.

MEN'S TRAMPOLINE
GROW UP!

JUDO
Almost like the UFC, just without the ass-kicking.

MODERN PENTATHLON
All new event lineup should make it interesting: Guitar Hero, Dance Dance Revolution, bubble gum blowing contest, Rock Paper Scissors, and Russian Roulette.

ROWING
Expect hundreds of strokes.

SAILING
Also known as "The Whitest sport around".

SHOOTING
Everyone is picking Vince Vaughn in the new "Dodge Shooting" event.

MEN'S SOCCER
Brazil

WOMEN'S SOCCER
USA

SOFTBALL
America, seriously does anyone else know how to play it?

MEN'S SWIMMING
Only an idiot wouldn't pick Michael Phelps, and we are not those idiots.

WOMEN'S SWIMMING
Michael Phelps. He'll glue on some tits and still kick ass.

SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING
If you actually care about this sport e-mail us.

TABLE TENNIS
Do we really need to actually type in China?

TAEKWONDO
See Judo

TEAM HANDBALL
Ewwwwwwwwwwww gross.

MEN'S TENNIS
The tape of Federer v Nadal at Wimbledon.

WOMEN'S TENNIS
Serena Williams, because Venus won last time.

SPRINT RACING
Kyle Busch and Jimmie Johnson are the top two.

DISTANCE RUNNING
Whoever doesn't breathe in the air will win.

TRIATHLON
Oh well.

VOLLEYBALL
Dammit how many sports are there in this damn thing?

WATER POLO
USA should win with the likes of Big Brown in the pool.

WEIGHTLIFTING
We pick whatever team decides to use a forklift instead.

WRESTLING
John Cena is going to.....DAMN! Its "real" wrestling.

That's it for the preview. Don't forget to catch all of the Olympic action on NBC and their family of networks: USA, CNBC, MSNBC, Telemundo, NBC Universal HD, Oxygen, and Matt Lauer's ass.