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Obama admits to D.E.A.T.H. panels





After months of denying that the highly controversial "death" panels didn't exist President Barack Obama shocked many today by announcing that they did in fact exist.





"I know that many of you are angry at me for denying the exist of death panels," said the President via telephone this morning. "But I was not lying, the D.E.A.T.H. panels in my reform bill aren't about "death" as in deceased people. It's an acronym that stands for Determines Elderly Adults Total Health panels. These panels will in fact help us garner information needed to help us treat the elderly."

Obama later said that the D.E.A.T.H. panels would rank each patient health on a scale of 1 to 328.

"They aren't death as in death," said Obama. "They are D.E.A.T.H. as in better health."