News Session

NEWS



Santa Claus shot down over no-fly zone



At around two o'clock this morning Santa Claus was shot down by an F-15 fighter jet while testing his new sleigh over the Pentagon.

"It's not our fault," said pilot J.J. Gomes of the 1,067th airborne division, "He was in a no fly zone and he wouldn't respond to our calls; so we took him out."

Santa Claus was unharmed in the incident however five reindeer were killed and three are in critical condition.

"Those [expletives]," said Santa, "I was testing out my new 35 liter, 18,000 reindeer power engine, when those government [expletives] shot at me. They took out Donner, Blitzen, Prancer, Vixen, and Dancer. I can't replace those type of reindeer; the [expletives] are going to pay for this."

SPORTS

The New York Jets evicted from Giants Stadium

The New York Jets are going to have to find a new home next year as they were evicted from Giants Stadium late last night.
"They were losing money every game," said Giants owner, John Mara, "We had to pay out of pocket for all of the empty seats at their games. The deal was five years, but as you can tell its been more than five years and we've been more than generous, but we can't have people like Chad Pennington and Kellen Clemens devaluing the property. It is time for the Jets to leave."
Giants wide receiver, Plaxico Burress, was happy that the Jets were evicted.
"They suck," he said, "I'm glad that them [expletives] that think they're a football team are gone."
In the interim, the Jets will play in Central Park.