Saturday Edition

NEWS

Montana secedes from the Union

Nobody cares.


ENTERTAINMENT

Metallica to go Country

Metallica; the poster band of Metal music will transition over to Country. The band's lead singer, James Hetfield, announced today that Metallica is now all about country.
"What has metal done for us?", said Hetfield, "Going into country music will allow us to show who we really are and perform how we want to".
Metallica will headline the upcoming Countryfest festival at Gillette Stadium with Garth Brooks. Their first song will be a country remix of their hit, Enter Sandman, done on acoustic guitar.

POLITICS

Hillary Clinton gets a prostate exam

Hillary Clinton was seen leaving a Manhattan hospital today after receiving her yearly prostate exam.
Clinton's press secretary was unavailable for comment.