Monday Edition

NEWS

Michael Vick to become veterinarian

Former Atlanta Falcons quarterback, Michael Vick, has stated that upon his release from prison he plans on becoming a veterinarian.
"I've always loved animals", said Vick, "I want to help as many animals as I can".
Vick plans on becoming a domestic veterinarian so he can help heal his favorite animals: dogs.

ENTERTAINMENT

God and Satan to star in an upcoming episode of TLC's, Trading Spaces

TLC announced today that God and Satan would spruce up a room in the other's home on Trading Spaces.
"We are very excited to be hosting such a huge event", said TLC executive Tim Despain, "I hope that everything turns out well".
God and Satan have both made explicit demands as to what the other should not use in the re-decoration.
"I hate red and black", said God, "He better not put red and black in there; he owes me for putting Ben Affleck's acting career in purgatory".
"I don't want anything with angels", Satan responded, "No clouds or golden gates; I want a mural of Megadeth on the wall".
The episode will air on Friday, October 31st.