BREAKING NEWS

RELIGION

Heaven shuts down after unexpected result in BCS Title Game

After Florida's exciting 24-14 win over Oklahoma in last night's BCS Title Game, God shut down HEAVEN and laid off all 200,000 employees.
"Those bastards didn't cover the over," said God from The Heavenly Pub late last night, "Everything I've built is ruined, and Ted keeps being a douche about it."
God was referring to the Las Vegas spread of 72 combined points between the Gators and Sooners, and the man he called a douche was Ted Satan.
All of HEAVEN's former employees and residents are pissed off.
"We knew it would happen eventually," said Saint Valentine, "The idiot (God) has been a degenerate gambler since the third Crusade."
Also HEAVEN's architects and designers are at a loss.
"After God bet on the Rays to win the American League pennant in 1945 he spent all of the 2.5 quadrillion dollars he won on televisions, spinning rims for the Pearly Gates, the heart and soul of Detroit, Pandora's X-Box, and a three million pound gold statue of himself."