News From Across The Country

POLITICS

Barack Obama Fills Commerce Post

In a curious move President-Elect, Barack Obama, named the Monopoly Man to replace Bill Richardson as Secretary of Commerce. Obama released a statement earlier today about the nomination.
"Look.......I feel that....there is no better person to fill this post than the Monopoly Man. He knows how to distribute money equally.......and fairly. While many will point to his...........part in the mortgage crisis..........I believe that his..........expertise in............banking............and finance will make him a phenomenal addition to my economic team.

SPORTS

Oklahoma pulls out of BCS National Championship Game; Relinquishes Spot to U of Washington.

In a move of goodwill and charity, the University of Oklahoma has given their spot in tonight's BCS National Championship Game to the University of Washington.
"I know that they didn't win a game all year, but this is the season of giving," said Sooners head coach, Bob Stoops, fifteen minutes ago, "We feel that after all the hurt that Oklahoma brought on Washington for taking the Sonics we feel that its our duty to give them our spot against Florida tonight."
Sooners quarterback, Sam Bradford, was less than thrilled with his coach's decision.
"We are scheduled to play in two hours," said Bradford during pregame warm-ups, "How the hell do you think I feel?!?"